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Candle by *LordAzrael85:iconLordAzrael85:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Romantic > Teen or Young Romance > Open


If I light a candle so to see your face,
Will it somehow cool this body of wax?
Or will I continue to melt for you
As I become as thin as a paper slice?

I notice your heart, and I would chase
It to the end of the earth for the facts
Needed to sculpt this romantic pool
That is becoming like stone; how nice…

Well, not really, since I’d like to erase
This invulnerability to hear your sax;
You know, those tones that come soothingly
From your mouth, oh, so precise.

For just one more day, I’d give you my heart again
If, in the end, this candle will help us get to Heaven.
Won’t you heal me, girl? I’m dripping away tonight,
But you can save me if you so willingly contrive.

Let our love burn like matches made from star-fire:
Eternal…

Daniel Haigh
04/04/07
Creative Commons License
Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.
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Submitted: April 4, 2007
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Comments: 6
Favourites & Collections: 3 [who?]

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Author's Comments

Inspired by "heart-shaped mold" written by ~urmyfavrt.

Although my poem isn't as good as hers, I think mine sounds romantically satisfying.

I hope someone enjoys it.
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Comments


~urmyfavrt:iconurmyfavrt: Apr 10, 2007, 7:42:45 AM
Favorite line:
"As I become as thin as a paper slice?"

I'm not sure if I've ever inspired someone else's writing before, so this is quite the honor. I really like what you've done with this piece, and because it's so good it's extra flattering.

I really like these lines too:

You know, those tones that come soothingly
From your mouth, oh, so precise.

For just one more day, I’d give you my heart again
If, in the end, this candle will help us get to Heaven.
Won’t you heal me, girl? I’m dripping away tonight,
But you can save me if you so willingly contrive.


Wow! You just made my day!

--
Come look at my work and comment... I love critique!
*LordAzrael85:iconLordAzrael85: Apr 10, 2007, 12:48:07 PM
Yay! I'm glad you like it. I'd hate for you to think, "Man, how did I inspire such a piece of crap?". Haha.

I like that second last stanza a lot too; makes for a good conclusion to the poem, I think.

--
Reality is just one dream-walk away...
~Single-White-Female:iconSingle-White-Female: Sep 19, 2007, 6:01:57 PM
I hope your love does burn eternal like matches made from star-fire.
An unusual writing style, but for the most part - heart/soul satisfying :).
*LordAzrael85:iconLordAzrael85: Sep 19, 2007, 7:05:45 PM
Haha. Well, I'm an unusual kind of guy, so I guess the writing style fits me!

Thanks for the comment. =)

--
Reality is just one dream-walk away...
=meeden:iconmeeden: Sep 20, 2007, 5:15:09 PM
beautiful words "For just one more day, I’d give you my heart again If, in the end, this candle will help us get to Heaven."

well written :butterfly:
*LordAzrael85:iconLordAzrael85: Sep 20, 2007, 5:54:53 PM
=D!

--
Reality is just one dream-walk away...
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